i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
