After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize