i think i have herpe
just one?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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