this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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