Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
