He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize