Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
