Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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