Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
