if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
