How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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