lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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