i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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