It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
