I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
