did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
my liver is dry heaving
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
