I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
