apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize