And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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