Why are handjobs necessary in class?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize