My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
