ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
