Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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