some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
