In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize