Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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