Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
did i just pee glitter
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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