he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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