I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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