it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
