Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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