I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
