Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
