the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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