ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
