Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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