I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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