Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize