just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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