# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize