The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
