Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
