Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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