guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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