His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
