didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
