I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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