Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
