It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
