I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think my vagina is haunted
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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