dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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