I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize