There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
