i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize