We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
