So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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