Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
