I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize