bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
