yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
