Are we in a gay sports bar?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
