You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
