I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
