I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
