Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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