What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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