I wish I could teleport
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
