We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How's work?
Spinning.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
