Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
