Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
