I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
