I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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