She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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