Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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