Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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