you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
