So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
