So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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