Farmville is her only friend.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No subtext here. People are naked.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
