You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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