Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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