shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
