we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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