were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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