shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
