Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
