I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
