So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
