i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
