I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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