remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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