We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
