he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
