Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
