my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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