She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize