I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
