please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
