I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
