No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize