Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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