I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
