watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
