What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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