Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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