I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize