Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
